14 Apr 2013

REMNANTS OF A PAINFUL

I don't even know how to start this. I really don't know. Since I have trouble to organizing those chaos in my head, like its explode too much and yes, I'm still haven't found out the conclusion of this shit happened. Just only one thing that has been established so far, I really cant get through this way. With all this problem rushing coming and ripping my every nerve cells, it is does not a matter to you? Does it is not make sense to you? I find myself hurt inevitably. And now, it became more worst even I'd trying to take a step forward, to forget you, but I can't. Once, I put my wholly trust towards you, since ever I started to know you and we became closer, I'm really putting too much hopes which can make me happy every day, every second. But at last, such hopes begins to burn in my system. Ya know, I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position because of this hope. And someone once told me that hope will leads to heartbreak. I didn't listen, I just go through with what I have that time. Now, I'm slowly believe that. 


That moment when I'm becoming attached to the time of getting good morning messages from you, and being said good night every day, then I wondering why do you have those intention to hurting me, to left me hanging and let others humiliated me. I'm over analyzing things, I know and  it would be so much easier to just you, but it's too risky to do so. We didn't talking much almost three weeks and what the fuck up is going now? I'm scared of freaking you out, so I'll shut up for now. And I know you probably wont incriminate yourself to read this but I'm writing it anyway, just to get the shit off my head eve just for a second. I just want to be with you, as we did before. But I know, I'll make probation to extinguish those hope had gone away. Only one think that I'll make sure, i'll hold on the possibility of getting me a life savers, as you said you would. Just as you said, you wont me hurt by you or by others and then you did.            

And now I was lost, hurt beyond comprehension, blind to my own pain. But still, I can give you smile even though its torture me enough. You weren't the one who I've known before. You know how does it hurt? Fucking hurt I told ya. Couldn't say much how it work out. Break down into pieces. And know what could I do is just pray for the greatest while hold on with the principle, anything happened for a reason. Remember this 'A', I will never forget this.